The cost of staying silent: how not talking about depression is harming men
If you’ve found yourself brushing off how you’re feeling with “I’m fine,” even when you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
For a lot of men, talking about mental health, especially depression, doesn’t come easy. It can feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or even wrong. But the cost of staying silent is high. When depression isn’t talked about, it can quietly wear down your relationships, career, and sense of self.
We’ve come a long way in breaking down the stigma around men’s mental health, but there’s still work to be done. So, let’s look into why it’s hard to open up, how that silence can impact your life, and what steps you can take to break the cycle.
Why it feels so hard to talk
You've probably heard it your whole life: “Man up.” “Be strong.” “Don’t cry.” “Push through.” Messages like these get passed down, teaching us that showing emotion and asking for help is weak. But depression doesn’t care about your gender, and keeping things bottled up doesn’t work.
Still, when you've spent years hearing that vulnerability is a weakness, opening up can feel impossible. You might not even have the words for what you're feeling, just a sense that something’s off, or that you're carrying more than you can handle. But you don't have to figure it all out alone.
Try starting small. You don’t have to say everything at once. Start by talking to someone you trust — a friend, a partner, a family member. Try saying, “I’ve been feeling off lately, and I don’t know what to do with it.” That one sentence can start a conversation that opens the door and makes you feel supported.
Depression isn’t always obvious
You might not even recognize when you’re depressed. A lot of men think depression just means feeling sad or crying all the time, but it often shows up differently.
It can look like:
Irritability or frustration
Feeling angry, even over minor issues
Constant fatigue or low motivation
Withdrawing from family or friends
Trouble concentrating or making decisions
Trouble sleeping or oversleeping
Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
If you’ve noticed any of these changes in yourself, it might be more than just a rough patch.
Ask yourself:
Am I feeling more on edge than usual?
Do I want to be left alone more often?
Have I stopped caring about things I used to enjoy?
If so, it may be time to reach out for support.
Breaking the cycle of silence
When you don’t talk about how you’re feeling, the weight doesn’t go away — it just gets heavier. Maybe work feels overwhelming and you’re not performing your best. Maybe your partner says you’ve been distant, and you’ve been fighting more. Maybe you’ve been drinking more or numbing things out just to get through the day.
Being honest about how you’re doing is one of the most powerful things you can do — not just for yourself, but for those around you.
What you can do:
Use activities to open up: Sometimes talking is easier while you’re doing something with someone — like taking a walk or engaging in a hobby. It helps take the pressure off and feel more natural.
Choose the right time: Find a quiet, private moment where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. This helps create a safe and relaxed environment for sharing.
Normalize the conversation: Engaging in casual conversations about mental health in everyday life makes it easier for you to speak up when you need help.
Support other men: If you notice a friend pulling away or acting different, check in. Asking, “You’ve seemed off lately, how are you really doing?” can go a long way.
Consider counselling: If you’ve never tried it, think of it like a personal trainer for your mental health. You don’t have to “have it all figured out” to go. You just need to start. Plus, you’ll likely be surprised at what you’ll learn.
The strength of asking for help
You don’t need to wait until you’re in a crisis to reach out for help. Going to counselling isn’t about being weak — it’s about gaining tools, support, and perspective.
Counselling can help you:
Understand what you’re going through
Learn healthier ways to manage stress and emotion
·Communicate more effectively with the people in your life
Find hope and motivation again
Show up for yourself and those you love
Move forward with resilience and confidence
We have a diverse team of counsellors, so you can connect with someone who truly gets where you’re coming from. Whether you're looking for someone who shares your background, understands your specific challenges, or simply makes you feel at ease, there’s someone here for you.
And you’re not just getting support — you’re getting results. Counselling Alberta has the strongest client outcomes in the industry. When you’re ready, we’re ready to listen. No pressure. No judgment. Just real support that works.
Information for this blog post was provided by registered social worker Kyle Ho, and men and boys outreach coordinator Ryan McAuley.