Picture this: you say yes to every invite, every gift exchange, every tradition, and by the time the holidays arrive, you’re exhausted, stretched thin, and counting down the days until it’s over.

This is a common experience for many of us during the holidays. When expectations, traditions, and obligations start to pile up, we can get so caught up in trying to make things “perfect,” that we often overlook our own needs. That’s where boundaries come in.

Boundaries aren’t about being rigid or disappointing people. They’re about recognizing your limits and what’s reasonable for you to handle. Boundaries are meant to be flexible and can change depending on your situation—it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. What works one year might not work the next, and that’s okay.

If you’re looking to set boundaries this year, but aren’t sure where to start, try these small, realistic tips:

1. Get clear with yourself first

Before saying no to anyone else, ask yourself: What actually works for me this year?
Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they’re about deciding what you are (and aren’t) willing to do.

2. Expect guilt, but don’t let it run the show
Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It usually means you care. Guilt fades. Resentment lingers. It may feel uncomfortable to set the boundary now, but it’ll protect you (and them) in the long run.

3. Name your budget early
Money is a common source of stress during the holidays. Let people know your limits ahead of time and plan accordingly. You can suggest making personalized gifts or doing a secret Santa exchange with family and friends, instead of buying each person a gift. Many people are feeling the same way when it comes to money stress, and likely just haven’t said it out loud yet.

4. Get creative with connection
Togetherness doesn’t have to mean spending more. Suggest low-cost activities like a potluck, movie night at home, or going on a drive to look at Christmas lights.

5. Lead with empathy, then be clear
You can acknowledge someone’s feelings without abandoning your boundary.

Example:
“I get why this tradition matters to you, and I appreciate the work you put into making it happen. But this year, I have other commitments and unfortunately can’t make it.”

6. Schedule time for rest
Rest isn’t laziness; it’s fuel. You deserve space to recharge, especially when there’s so much going on. Make sure you set aside time for rest the same way you set aside time for others.

Boundaries don’t take away from the holidays. They often make space for what truly matters. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or stretched thin, we can help! Counselling Alberta offers accessible counselling across the province with no waitlists and flexible fees, so you can get support through the holiday season and beyond.

Information for this blog was provided by registered social worker, Denis Sushkin.

Boundaries that save your holidays (and your energy)